A love like that....

I went to the funeral of one of my patients the other day. This patient and family was one of the most challenging in my short hospice career. They were Asian and there were many cultural differences. They were Christian and very strong in their faith. They believed he would be healed and get better. This man was 46 years old with a wife and two teenage children. He did not get better. He was my patient for about three weeks. I saw him almost every day because we were giving him daily IV fluids. They somehow believed if he could get these, he could recover. Every day he got worse. Every day, I tried to gently explain to his wife and family that he was dying. His wife refused to believe it. She would ask me questions about his condition. My answer usually had something to do with him getting worse and dying. I was so frustrated that she was in such denial! I knew she loved him but it was frustrating for me that Dr's, hospice, everybody involved had told her that he was dying but she refused to believe it. For weeks this went on. She never did "get it" She took such good care of her husband. She never left his side. She never gave up hope.

At the funeral I finally "got it." I went to the funeral with the Social Worker that had been involved with this patient. She is a divorced, single mother like myself. Towards the end of the funeral they had a slideshow of my patients life. The photos were of his wedding day, holding his children when they were babies, family vacations,birthdays, and other special days. As I watched this wife, I could see how much she loved him. This is why she did not give up. This is why she would not let herself believe that her husband was dying. Some people call it denial. I saw it that day as love. I turned to my friend the Social Worker and asked, "Do you ever wonder if you will ever find a love like that?" I whispered. "Everyday. She whispered. Everyday."

Me too.