Where is God?

I love my job. I really do. Sometimes I wonder though, where is God? I saw a new patient today. He is 36 years old. He has ALS. That means his muscles are dying. They are slowly going, until none of his muscles will work. His body will fail. His lungs will not work, his heart will not beat. He will die. Did I mention that he is 36? Did I mention he has a 3 year old daughter? Why God?

This is my second patient with ALS in two weeks. Both are young. They are husbands, fathers. What is my role in this. Why am I their nurse? I don't believe in accidents or coincident. I have been feeling burnt out today. Wondering how long I can do this work. I don't know what else I would do. I feel like this is my calling. But how many more loved ones can I look in the eyes and say, "he will probably die this week....." It is hard. I am human I grieve too. Even for the patients I only have for a few days or weeks. I am touched by every single one of them.

I don't believe in accidents or coincidents.